"we jump to conclusions so you don't have to"
Ian's Original Unedited Hobnobbing Article

Hobnobbing: is defined as the art of attending parties eating free food and leaving for the next party.

The man who is the master of hobnobbing is Alex Brimeyer. This great man was able to attend seven parties in one day and eat food at every single one. Alex told me these great thoughts “The key to hobnobbing is to start early on an empty stomach and to attend parties with enough people nobody will notice you.” I have also learned if you don’t know the person who is throwing the party to avoid them so as to not blow your cover, just last week I went to a party and was cornered by the graduate’s grandparents, I was unable to escape their questioning and was forced to frighten them away by pretending to throw up. Another great tactic is having one of your friends create mass chaos by either feigning an injury or spilling coffee on someone. While, this chaos is occurring you might even be able to make off with an entire cake without anyone noticing. Once, I asked Alex who taught him these skills. Alex replied “I will never be able to live up to the prowess of Glenn Lichti.”

Take the skills you have learned here and go out to spread the word of this idea and infiltrate as many graduation parties as you can.