Page 1 | Page 2 | Page 3 | Page 4 | Headlines
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USA basketball narrowly avoids loss to Hempstead Mustangs in exhibition match.
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Thousands of protestors flood streets of NYC; no one notices.
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Econ advisor gets tipsy with third place trophy at victory party.
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EqOnion trucker hat craze extends to econ nerds throughout the country.
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C-Mac Daddy "enjoys" free trip to New York City.
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Despite excellent cuisine, Dennis Schroeder dislikes Bubba Gump's historical inaccuracies.
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Cory McDermott's senior picture to be featured on cover of 'Ninjas Weekly' magazine
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Bush set to appear in Dubuque, Jake Freiburger forced to remain under house arrest
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Survey: America's national passtime shifts from baseball to econ.
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Former Hempstead VP, Bob Krogmeier, starts Ames riots to protest EqOnion's lack of updates.
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All classes to be shortened Thursday because of recognition assembly for State Champion Econ Team.
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Die-hard Cardinal Fans forced to reevaluate their professional sports allegiance.
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Matthew Stemper named offical liaison to the new socialist Spanish government.
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Mars rover continues Bush's quest for weapons of mass destruction.
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67% of Americans believe New Zealand is a suburb of LA
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Scientists discover massive outbreak of 'mad lettuce disease', millions of vegans forced to eat barbeque.
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Yankees sign Alex Rodriguez: payroll now exceeds federal budget deficit.
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EqOnion photographers discover true reason for Monday's cancellation.
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John Kerry drops out of race to pursue childhood dream.
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Candidate John Edwards finishes last in Howard Dean impersonation contest at 'victory' party.
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Schroeder reports suspicious carolers, British Airways grounds planes.
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National Pearl Harbor Rememberance Day - Students everywhere celebrate with massive Ben Affleck movie marathon.
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Dance Dance Revolution ends Halo's 25 month reign as game of the month.
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New Lord of the Rings film draws nerds from households for the first time since Two Towers.
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Grizzled Saddam awarded $1 million as final castaway on Survivor: Pearl Islands.
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Bad Santa declared feel good movie of the year.
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Local weatherman predicts humongous snowstorm to hit Dubuque, miscalculates by 1,000 miles.
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USC robbed of national championship berth; France exercises security council veto power, knocks Oklahoma out of title game.
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Mix-It-Up-Day festivities go awry, many students injured.
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Volleyball team scared of missing seminar, forfeits state match.
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Hempstead band director discovers perfect fundraiser.
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Principal Olson really loves the Strawberry Milk.
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Coach forbids cross-country team from wearing underwear during meets.
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Pathetic loser hasn't heard of EqOnion.
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Talking gollum doll wins most lovable toy award.
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Mars dangerously close, 34.6 million miles away.
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Gorkonator tops Gigli in Box Office.
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Brittney-Madonna kiss not "like a virgin."
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Supreme court overturns anti-sodomy laws.
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Renowned civil rights activist Strom Thurmond passes away at 100.
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U.S. cordially invites Israel to start World War III.
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Hulk hand craze sweeps America.
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Jeb Bush elected president of Iraq.
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Amy Hansel "influences" EqOnion staff member for update.
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President goes five minutes without using phrase "evil-doer".
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Namesake of Schroedie Awards has never actually seen a single movie.
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AP Gov. Test reveals President is a Socialist.
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Cory McDermott is a nazi, determines recent AP Gov. Test.
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Band Director digusted by team Fusion's quiz bowl performance.
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Renaissance Assembly a smashing success!!
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99 out of 100 Americans have no idea who the hell Daredevil is.
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Conspiracy? School Administrators sport blank ID Cards.
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Speech Contest loser blames Nazis for failure at contest.
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President Freiburger declares the Equestrian "Tasteless."
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Rapping Kangaroo expected to sweep Academy Awards.
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President Freiburger urges all students to boycott the Equestrian because of their incompetent and traitorous ways.
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Presidential hopeful John Kerry visits Dubuque. Declines invitation for debate with Jake Freiburger.
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EqOnion reporter discovers what really goes on backstage at Les Mis.
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New DiCaprio film to open in December, homeland security department raises alert level from tan to beige.
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Mr. T to be sworn in as interim Venezuela president. Striking dock workers give up demands due to fear of being thrown helluva far.
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Halo wins video game of the month for the fourteenth month.
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After watching recent Bond film, CIA realizes N. Korea is a threat.
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Bush to Press: Saddam Hussein a 'Wascally Wabbit.'
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Trent Lott to make separate but equal apologies on CNN, BET.
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Another DiCaprio film released, Cheney moved to undisclosed location.
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